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Customer
Relationship Management (CRM) I don't know why I went to the seminar in the first place. Maybe curiosity. Maybe boredom. Maybe just to get out of the office for a day. The topic was Customer Relationship Management (CRM). What the hell do I care about CRM. I have clients, not customers. And they number in the twenties and thirties, not in the thousands. Yet there I was, trying to make the best of an apparently wasted day. I tried to listen attentively to the speaker as he droned on about customized, automated CRM software and its alleged revolutionary impact on direct marketing and online sales and service. I'd like to be polite and say it was interesting. But it wasn't. I'd like to be positive and say I got a few good leads for new clients. But I didn't. Finally, and thankfully, the end of the session arrived. Knowing in advance that it was a futile attempt to salvage something from this barren day, I approached the CRM expert and asked what was the relevance of CRM to the head of a small or even medium sized direct marketing agency. "Hmmm," he hummed in an apparent effort to buy some time. "That's a very intriguing question. I'll need some time to think about that one. Let me have one of your cards, and I'll get back to you." Needless to say, I'm still waiting for that call. But the whole experience started me thinking more and more about CRM, and whether it had any possible impact on my relationship with my own clients. Actually, it was more like one of those annoying brain loop episodes where you can't get a certain tune out of your head. Then, the very next day, as I returned to my office, it hit me. Our offices are located in an office park that is dominated by doctors. Dermatologists. General Practitioners. Pediatricians. Podiatrists. Obstetricians. You name it. Consequently, there are signs everywhere in the parking lot saying "This Space Reserved for Patients." As I drove into one of these spots, the proverbial light inside my head turned on. That's it, I said to myself. That's the answer. These people are all professionals who run a small business like me. But instead of having customers or clients, they have patients. Think about the difference in the perception of those relationships. First of all, when a patient comes to you, it's already been decided that there's a problem they need your expertise with because they can't solve it themselves. Got to love that, right. Secondly, it's already been established in the relationship that you have the upper hand. You're the doctor. Got to love that, too. Plus, there's also the perception that as an expert, you're going to charge a lot for your services. Just keeps getting better, doesn't it. What about the testing part. Be still my heart. I knew I was really onto something now. You know the drill. You go to the doctor, and tell him or her your symptoms. The doctor says, well it sounds like Dwindling Response Disorder (DRD), but I can't be sure. We'll have to do some testing. My God, what a breakthrough. Testing. Just think of it. You can tell your patients (customers, clients) that there is nothing wrong with their programs that extensive, expensive testing can't prolong. It's perfect. So forget about CRM. It's a hoax, a malevolent plot on the part of consultants to keep those fees rolling in. You know, like the Y2K bug. Now, when you consider your relationship with customers and clients, just think of them as patients. And everything will be alright. There's only one serious drawback to this whole approach. You'll probably have to get malpractice insurance, just in case you kill or maim one of their projects. And you know how expensive that is. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. As for CRM, eCRM and all its bountiful manifestations, all I can tell you is that if you paid a bundle for CRM software and it's not working. Get plenty of rest. Drink lots of fluids. And call me in the morning at 1-877-691-0996. © 2001, Cimino Direct, Inc. |
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